I'm overworked and underslept and somehow I'm staying sensuous. Wake up at 5am. Dress. Feed dog. Wake DC. Ask DC to take dog out. Grab protein shake and herd DC out the door. Take DC to bus stop at Ex's house. Drive to technical writing client's office. Work 10 hours. Drive home. Run errand. Make dinner. Serve dinner. Clean up after dinner or coach DC to clean up after dinner. Homework patrol. Bedtime. Repeat next day.

Somehow I'm staying sensuous. Here's what's working for me:

• Wearing womanly-woman clothes
• Laughing with my children at least once a day. When my mama heart is happy, it boosts my sensuouswife heart.
• Wearing at least one thing that makes me feel gorgeous...pretty jewelry/accessories/makeup
• Noticing an admiring glance and smiling back appreciatively
• Enjoying my favorite toys
• Wine or chocolate in moderation
• Hot salty baths
• Reading a good book in a soft comfy bed or a hot salty bath
• Saving some time every day for my Sweetheart. Sweetheart helps a lot because he notices and appreciates every little thing.

What works for you?

How do you stay sensuous even when you're super busy?

I'm not gonna do this every week but every now and then I get a hankering to repost a favorite blog post. I call this hankering Flashback Friday.

Today, I'm thinking about a beautiful evening I enjoyed before and after the trick-or-treaters rang my doorbell.

From November 1st, 2007, here is the post in its entirety:

I'm learning that saving time to be together is important and that you don't have to feel energetic and horny before you walk in the bedroom in order to have a beautiful pleasurable evening. Some of you have known this for years. For me, it's big news.

I knew Delighted Husband and I had saved this evening for each other. And on evenings we plan to be together, I usually save some mental and physical energy for him and deliberately think carnal thoughts all day in anticipation. But I didn't this last time. I had a good but busy day at work, had an emotionally uplifting lunch with my girlfriends, and had a challenging couple of hours helping the DC with their homework and coaching them through several tudes. By the end of the two hours, I felt wrung out like a sponge. I went to DH and said "I need skin to skin for a few minutes. I"m worn out." He was quick to oblige, as he had heard me calmly standing my ground with the children who were trying to turn "bitch moan and argue with mom" into an Olympic sport.

We locked ourselves in our room and quickly got naked for some cuddles. I sighed with comfort and pleasure as I nestled into his arms. "Remind me" I asked. And so he did. Delighted Husband gave me two or three sentences reminding me good things about myself. Words of affirmation and physical touch together are a powerful combination. I began to feel myself recharge, like a dead cell phone on a charger lighting up again. We cuddled and caressed each other and without trying, words spilled out of my mouth, complimenting him and loving on him. Reminding him what a wonderful man he was. Which took absolutely no effort to come up with affirming words considering how loving he had just shown himself to be.

This wasn't steamy talk by any means. Our skin-to-skin contact was for bonding and affirmation, not arousing. It was the "sharing your heart's life force" definition of Eros, not the "tingly thrilling do me" definition of Eros. Our fifteen minutes passed quickly and the doorbell ringing with the first trick or treaters told us our time was up.

I went to get dinner going and DH took over door duty with the trick or treaters.

Dinner was yummy and punctuated by doorbell ringing every few minutes. It was fun to chat with the neighbors, although difficult to eat between visitors, but what do we expect?

Finally got the DC tucked in after their sugar rush, and DH and I knew our "date" time had arrived. We were both tired and achy, but wanted to be together. Both of us said something to this effect while we were standing in the kitchen. We decided to go for it and see what God might do for us.

Walking in our bedroom and locking the door was an act of faith. We had zero tingly erotic urgency. Our muscles were tired and achy. But we felt emotionally connected and a desire to make the most of the opportunity. After all, we were in our bedroom at 9pm with kids already tucked in their own beds. Just watching TV or going to sleep would feel like we squandered an opportunity.

I suggested a massage and spread the liberator throe over the comforter to keep massage oil off the bed. After joking over whose turn it would be first, I laid down on my back with my knees supported by the liberator whirl. This is where the first of many miracles happened. It didn't take five minutes of smelling him and feeling him touch me that I was very aroused. As our arousal became more visible, we kept joking, "I'm too tired" "Oh me too. I'm way too tired." That position actually did become tiring for Delighted Husband so we switched so he could lie down with the whirl under his knees. I became the active pleasurer which I enjoyed very much. DH let me know how much pleasure he was receiving which of course made my heart feel that good feeling you get inside when you know somebody is enjoying the gift you gave them. It was also a huge turn-on. We warmed to the task. Delighted Husband became the active pleasurer again, while I rocked happily. He asked me to hand him a certain toy while he told me what he was about to do to me and how he knew I was going to respond. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Gazing into his eyes, I came in about 6 seconds, which surprized the heck out of both of us. How'd we do that? We're too tired!

After I caught my breath, we switched to our favorite finish position. Delighted Husband positioned me the way he wanted me, which is such a small simple thing, but I love that because it demonstrates our being relaxed and comfortable and his matter-of-fact intent to take me which is just such an emotional rush. I have no idea how long we made love because time stood still. Smiling into his eyes while watching my husband come is one of the sweetest spiritual and emotional experiences I've ever had. He is magnificent.

Once we came back down to earth, told each other it was time for a quick shower and then sleep, cause we really were tired. Shower was shared and quick with much grinning at each other. I happened to glance at the clock on my way back to bed from the shower. It was 9:30!

"Oh My God! Honey, look, soup to nuts this whole lovemaking was 30 minutes! Can you believe it?" To say we both thanked God would be putting it mildly. I thank God for the toy and pillows that helped us coax pleasure out of an evening when the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I suspect that the DHA and EPA supplements I took for the last few days may have had something to do with my quick response. (I'm on The Orgasmic Diet which is another article). Most of all, I believe miracles still happen. Even in the marriage bed. I blame this miracle on our generous loving God rewarding our small act of faith of locking the door even though we were too tired.

I hope you enjoyed this memory as much as I did! Happy Flashback Friday!

I'm seated on a big fluffy Zepplin pillow. My beautiful sweet dog is sleeping on the floor at my feet. I've just watched a fun romantic comedy chick flick after I got off the phone with a friend who called to wish me well with my sweetheart. My friend knows us both and is very happy to see our relationship give us both a lot of joy.

Tonight Ex invited me over for dinner. It was really good. I sat at his new table and enjoyed a meal that Ex prepared for the DC and me. The mood was cordial. Friendly even. We were able to show love to each other even though we aren't together anymore.

This weekend I took my DC camping. I've not done tent camping in years! But we did it! While we huddled together to keep warm in the cold, DC told me "Mom this is the best birthday ever." Oh and I've learned a bonus from having a big dog. They help keep your family warm at night! I've always been a 'no pets on the bed' person. But in 40 degree weather in a tent, I'll make an exception!

I got caught up on sleep today and the DC and me had a lazy day snuggling on the sofa with the dog and watching movies. I even slept through church. Ssssh! Don't tell! (giggle) This corporate gig had been kicking my butt with long days with 6 hours of sleep night after night and after a short night of camp sleep, I was heavy-lidded and ready for some Zzzs.

Before we left on our trip, my car needed to go in the shop and I couldn't get off work to take it. My awesome parents gave me a ride to work and babysat my car at the shop.

Simple pleasures. Sleep. Dinner with my family. Talking to people who love me..my sweetheart and friends. Bonding with my pet. My awesome parents. Finding out that even though Ex and I are divorced, we and the children are still a family.

All of this is grace, pure grace. And I am thankful.

I am more loved now than ever before.

More cherished
more respected
my deep heart is truly seen and heard.

My heart is so full! I just want to hold this moment. <3

Imagine this. You've just worked a ten hour day in Corporate America. The sun is setting. Your kids have long since done homework with the babysitter, you are hungry, but too tired to eat, and you're hoping there is enough peanut butter or ham to make sandwiches because the idea of cooking is so not going to happen tonight. You ease behind the wheel of your car, and as you drive home, a smile spreads over your face because you're thinking of kissing.
Kissing??? Yes, kissing.
On a night like this, you desperately need love and affirmation, affection and connection. And your brain may very well not be able to process a high-level conversation with your Sweetheart. But lovely nonverbal kissing? Your brain can process that just fine. Nothin' like some physical touch love language at the end of a hard day.

I thought about this on the way home from work last night. I smiled all the way home.

...don't let it get away.

I'm just home from the U2 concert tonight. I am tired and ready for sleep but I wanted to write this one while it was still fresh in my mind.

Remembering the last U2 concert I went to, the Vertigo tour with my first husband and DC. Thinking about my life then and my life now and thinking my life now is good, even better. I have less security but more freedom. Much more freedom. And more love.

The song Beautiful Day is all  about laying hold of joy in your life. Today. Now. Don't let it get away!

I have heard what I came to hear. I know God is generous and I'll hear more. But everything else is just bonus.

Shauna Niequist gave a presentation on "Your story must be told". My heart turned over in my chest. Y'all know ever since my first husband's affair that my voice has been silent and then faltering and then picked up steam. But I've second guessed everything I've written. The momentum of my voice has been missing. But I believe it's coming back. I shared a conversation with Shauna after her talk and she encouraged me this way, "by waiting until your story is at the point of the happy ending, you are telling people that God only shows up at the happy endings and you know that's not true".

Darlings, I want you to know how God is showing up for me at this middle point in my story. I am an alive, sensuous, dynamic woman while I am also a single mother. I am a passionate advocate for women who have been sexually abused. I am passionate about encouraging women to lay hold of sexual wholeness and see that vitalize their marriage. I am making friends with Longing while living in the Meantime. I sell sex toys in a porn-free, classy, educational way. I am passionate about being a mother and I love the process of loving my children to live out all the gorgeous potential God planted inside them. I love to laugh. I love to dance. I love to cook. I love to see the spark in someone's eyes when enjoying good conversation. I'm convinced I will marry again yet I'm not waiting to be deputized to fully live. I cannot wait to enjoy sex again and blog about it, yet I will wait, because I want the glory to fall down rich and sweet with no deterrents. I live with longing and joy, sorrow and laughter, loneliness and connection. I feel like I've been away and I'm being drawn back.

As y'all know, I love to host dinner parties. Food is edible art, and I love creating a meal that is beautiful, nourishing, and makes my guests feel special. And when we talk on the phone to give directions or set the time for the occasion, I tell my guests, "I'm cookin' with love! Come hungry!"

Cause I want them to really enjoy what I have to offer them.

Life has been a real boogerbear lately. My soul has been stretched to the breaking point and has moved into a new shape. 2009 has seen me experience the loss of a marriage, loss of a home, loss of an income, loss of a church, loss of friendships after the divorce, loss of neighborhood community, new apartment, new community, new church, new church community, new relationships. I could go on, but this list is sufficient to paint the picture. My life is transformed. I am weary.

Seems like there's a new conference every week. I don't always feel the tug. Usually I don't. But the moment I heard about Christianity 21, I felt the tug in my heart to attend. From the get-go, I wanted to be there. By faith, I saved the dates on my calendar when I had no means to get there. And God provided. So off to Minneapolis I go. Because I believe I am called to be there. I am willing to share my story. And I am so eager to connect with the women I have met through Twitter and blogdom. I'm so eager to see Maria Anderson, Makeesha Fisher, Jules, Julie Clawson, @livingsexuality, The Wild Man and Farm Girl, @tkpleslie, and many other dear ones that I haven't even met yet.

I'm expecting to receive great things from God and his people. God has set me a place at the table. And I'm coming hungry.

last night all by myself I let myself go there
to a place that I haven't been since I was married
I let myself feel desire without romance
nothing sweet and candlelight about it, folks

I wanted raw uninhibited sex
I wanted to remarry and rock the house

I let my flame burn bright and hot
I got out my vamp tigress-on-the-prowl lingerie
I toldya I didn't throw out my toys or my lingerie, remember?
I did my hair and makeup. Smoky eyes and red lipstick.
I let my hair down and teased at the crown.
I.
was.
hawt.
I took some pictures.
I could show you, but then I'd hafta marry you.
Mmhmm. Those kinda pictures where your strategic body parts are covered but you simply radiate sexual energy.
Yes ma'am.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I said 'damn' the Southern way. With two syllables. Day-um.
I still got it, darlings.
I still got it.

Shiver by Maroon5 is the song that was playing.

Ladies, when's the last time you let yourself go there?
To that place of raw desire that has nothing to do with your usual flavor of romance.

Well, that's too long.
Let yourself go.

I thought now would  be a good time to let y'all know how I am doing.

I'm doing well.

I'm happy.

And I have good reason to be!

I've done the healing I needed do in the grieving process. Y'all know me, I went all out. I did individual therapy. I did Divorce Recovery. I did a week-long  retreat with a Life Coaching Team. I put my relationship with God and my children's well-being as my highest priority. Every decision I made, every good meal I cooked, every goofy kid's movie I watched, every parenting class I attended was for my DC's heart. So I could do a good job of loving them and caring for them. I knew first and foremost that the best thing I could do for my DC was to heal and so I did. So I have. (smile) Dear friends, I want to tell you that our prayers have paid off. DC's doing well. We laugh together. We laugh and cut up in the grocery store and on the way to school. DC has healed too and is adjusting really well. DC enjoys time with their Dad and I support that. So many of my friends in my single parenting small group at church have an ex-spouse who shows no interest in their children. I'm glad to say that is not the case with my first husband.

I have another reason to be happy.

(grin)

I'm seeing someone. It's going well. I have someone special in my life and I'm really enjoying being delighted in. (smile)

Thank you to all of you who prayed for me. I love y'all and I'm happy to have good news to share.

I usually make this cake for birthdays but don't wait for a birthday. Every day is worth celebrating with this dreamy creamy frosting, and this cake is good enough to serve in bed. After all, any cake you eat in your birthday suit is birthday cake, right? (grin)

Here's what you'll need:

• Duncan Hines supermoist Dark Chocolate Fudge cake mix
• 3 large eggs
• 1 1/3 cups water
• 1/2 cup plus 1 Tbsp Extra Virgin coconut oil
• 16 oz. sour cream
• 16 0z. Cool Whip
• 16 oz. powdered sugar

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Pour cake mix, eggs and liquid coconut oil into mixing bowl and beat on medium high speed for 7 minutes.
   Note we are adding the same amount of water and same number of eggs recommended by the cake mix box but adding a bit more coconut oil. Extra virgin coconut oil is healthy so no need to skimp and we want this cake to be moist.
3. Grease the cake pans with solid coconut oil.  Coconut oil is solid at room temperature and liquid when it gets to 76 degrees. After you measure out the liquid oil, then place the jar in the freezer for 5 minutes to make it solid. No need to flour pans. Pans will be oily, not snowy white like Crisco. That's okay.
4. Pour the batter into 3 cake pans 8" or 9" in diameter. If you only have 2 cake pans, that's okay. It's better to make 3 layers if you can.
5. Bake for 25 minutes which is 10 minutes less than cake mix says. Test and see if the cakes are done by inserting a clean knife into the middle of the cake. If it comes out clean, they're done. If it comes out gooey, bake cake for 3 more minutes and check again. We want the cake to be as moist as possible without being gooey.
6. While the cake is baking, put a glass or metal mixing bowl into the freezer to cool. We'll use this bowl for the frosting.
7. Allow the cake to cool completely. This may take a while, so bake the cakes first and make the frosting while the layers cool.
8. While the layers are cooling, let's make the frosting.
   Add the sour cream and Cool Whip to the chilled mixing bowl and mix on high speed. Gently add the sugar while still mixing. Be gentle! You don't want a cloud of sugar in the air! Frosting will be fluffy and tangy sweet. Put frosting bowl back in the fridge while you prep the cake.
9. Prep the cake. So many people skip this step and wow does it make a cake taste like an amateur if you do. But you're gonna make a dreamy sensuous cake that tastes fabulous. Here's what you're gonna do. Gently touch the cake and make SURE it is not warm to the touch. If it's just room temperature, then transfer the cake to a dinner plate. Place the dinner  plate over the cake pan or cooling rack,  hold firmly with both hands, and flip the cake over to place it on the dinner plate. Look carefully around the perimeter of the cake and notice the dry edges that pulled away from the cake pan. These edges are hard and when we prep the cake, we're gonna remove them. Take a sharp knife and hold it at a 45 degree angle and gently cut off the outer edge of the cake. Once the cake is frosted, the rounded edges will be filled in with frosting, so don't worry!
10. Place the first layer on your cake plate, bottom side up. Smooth on a generous amount of frosting and smooth it out. The frosting in between the layers should be between 1/4 to 1/2 inch tall. Add the second and third layer and repeat the process. At this point, you may find the frosting starts to warm up and get a bit runny. Feel free to place the cake back in the fridge, and place the bowl of frosting back in the freezer for 5 minutes until it firms up. Set a timer! You don't want frozen frosting.
11. Once the frosting has firmed up a bit, use a spatula to smooth the frosting around the edges of the cake, filling in any gaps with frosting. This is a very moist frosting, due to the moisture in the sour cream. This is a good thing! Refrigerate the cake overnight and the moisture from the frosting will seep into the cake making this cake the most decadent moist cake you've ever put in your mouth.

The extra virgin coconut oil will add the taste and aroma of coconut to the chocolate cake. If you desire, you may add coconut on top of the frosting. If you choose to do this, buy Bakers' shredded coconut, pour into a bowl, and add a few drops of Borden Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk and stir. This will make the coconut extra moist and help it to stick nicely to the frosting.

Serve well chilled and slice soon after removing cake from the fridge. This cake is a gorgeous showstopper at parties and the extra frosting can used as body paint for a more intimate party for two. (wink)