He gave me supplements to take that he said will support my muscles ability to heal. A natural muscle relaxer, he said, and more energy, and pain relief. Did I mention pain relief?

After just a few days of taking these supplements (just like he said, on the right schedule, some with food, some without food) I have been amazed at the reduction in pain meds I needed.

This morning, I powerwalked 2 and a quarter miles and I had no back pain. None. I didn't even have fatigue or exhaustion. You know that feeling where you spend the last half mile praying for the sight of your front door? Nope. Didn't have it. I woke up at 4:30, read email and got dressed and was on the trail by 5. Yes darlings, 5am. When it's 100 degrees at noon and 90 degrees at 9am, you gotta make allowances. This is how Houstonians exercise outdoors in the summer. We do it in the dark. Oh-dark-thirty, as we call it.

I just realized that I have told you about recovering but I haven't told you about the accident I'm recovering from. Oh yeah. I had a car accident. Some yahoo rear ended the car who rear-ended me. My car was totaled. I feel lucky to be alive and I've been trying to get rid of back and neck pain ever since.

The hope in my deep heart is that I receive not only a full recovery, but a brand new life of health and athleticism. I want to be able to literally run and not grow weary. I've done it emotionally, and spiritually. Now I want my Brooks Beast sneakers to take me to a whole new level. My hope is founded on God's generosity. I'll keep you posted. <3

Aunt Merlyn is a Grandma Diva. A great-grandmother, actually. She is 83 and looks 63. And when I hug her fragrant neck and stand back to be embraced in her radiant smile, she looks to me the same way she did at 53.  Aunt Merlyn has survived three husbands and lives alone in a comfy custom home on a shady tree-lined street in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her bathroom is as big as my living room. Every night she takes a Calgon bubble bath in her huge jacuzzi tub then sits at her dressing table and sets her hair in pin curls. Every morning, she wakes early, tends the family of plants on her patio, does water exercises in her pool, then gets dressed in a beautiful outfit with full makeup. You could show up at her house on a random Wednesday and find her suitably dressed for either church or a tearoom. She is the Grande Dame of Tulsa.

My Uncle Bill, her first husband, was the love of her life. Whenever I would stay at their home, it was very normal to see them spontaneously break into a waltz in the kitchen. I remember one morning when I was in the kitchen, preparing fruit for breakfast, when Aunt Merlyn walked down the stairs from their bedroom into the kitchen.

She. Was. Radiant.

I remember looking up and seeing her, and before I had a chance to smile or say good morning, Aunt Merlyn said, "Honey, the longer you stay married, the lovemaking just gets sweeter and sweeter!" No good morning. No preamble. Just that marvelously pregnant statement. She was 55. I was 15. I didn't know what to say so i just smiled.

I went to a dance class. I've always enjoyed dance classes and mentioned them in the past. Tonight was the best ever. Tonight was African tribal dance. With drums.

Oh my friggin gosh!

It. was. awesome.

The studio had wood floors and mirrored walls like any other dance studio. But tonight was something special. I wondered why there were men walking into the studio. They were our drum corps! They were there to drum for us! I was amazed at their strength and heart. To pound the drums constantly for 2 hours! While nodding and smiling at us. Enjoying us.

Tonight's dance steps were called...oh shoot I forget the African word...it means the men's dance for "I am strong". Lots of stompin' and kickin' and arm wavin'. I LOVED IT! It was beautiful to see this room full of women doing a tradional men's dance in a distinctly feminine way. We swayed our hips as only women can. The fast arm movements emphasized the curves of our breasts and waist. We were women. We were strong. We were beautiful.

At the end of the class, we form a circle and nearly every woman takes a turn expressing herself by dancing alone in the circle. Some women were rarin' to go and stepped out and took their turn immediately. But some of us, myself included, needed to be called out. One of of the men in the drum corps had strapped on his drum so he could walk around the room as he played. The Drumming Man would walk over to face one of the women in the circle, smile at her, and call her out to dance. Some women were shy and needed to be coaxed. This was okay. Drumming Man kept smiling and drumming until she accepted his invitation. If she demurred again, he would nod and walk on. I was so eager and almost stepped out more than once, but I waited to be called out. To be invited. And when he did call me out, I smiled, and danced joyous tribal circles around Drumming Man. Some women whooped. The dance instructor touched the floor in front of me after I finished. A nonverbal tribal attagirl.

Since I am Irish and Scottish, I have seen women dance to drums at several Highland Games. While some of the steps tonight were challenging to learn, the overall feel of the dance felt very natural to me.

There's something about tonight that's true for every woman. Beauty, strength, movement, joy-they are for all of us.
And a man using his strength to invite a woman into the dance. That's just epic.

Friends helped me pack up my apartment and move to the townhome, and another friend is helping me unpack the emotional and spiritual boxes in my heart. I'm working with a spiritual director and I feel very hopeful and good about it.

I'm especially thankful to God for the prayer I've received on the phone in the past several days.

This song sung by Fernando Ortega really touched my heart.

Oh lovely tired woman.

Sit down here on the sofa next to me and let me tell you something.

The lovely beginning of this journey starts with--oh shoot, lemme let Sara Groves say it cause she says it so fabulously already.

Listen to this, dear ones: (and when Sara says ‘a person’ put your name there instead. I’ll do my friend Cori’s name as an example)

Lovin’ Cori just the way they are, it’s no small thing.
It takes some time to see things through.
Sometimes things change, sometimes we’re waiting.
We need grace either way.

Hold on to me
and I’ll hold on to you
Let’s find out
the beauty of seeing things through.

There’s a lot of pain in reachin’ out and tryin’
it’s a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can’t occupy the same spaces, baby
and only one makes you free.

Hold on to me
and I’ll hold on to you
Let’s find out
the beauty of seeing things through.

If we go lookin’ for offense,
we’re gonna find it.
If we go lookin’ for real love,
we’re gonna find it.

Hold on to me
and I’ll hold on to you
Let’s find out
the beauty of seeing things through.

Lovin’ Cori just the way they are, it’s no small thing.
That’s the whole thing.
Lovin’ me just the way I am, it’s no small thing.
Takes some time, takes some time, takes some time, takes some time.

Loving yourself right where you are. That’s the first step. I believe deep down in my heart that 2010 is your year of a sensuous you. I really truly believe that a series of tiny sensuous miracles will happen for you this year. Being a sensuous you is not a destination. It’s a journey. We’ll go there together. Hold on to me, and I’ll hold on to you. Let’s find out the beauty of seeing things through.

So many times, I read Christian women's blogs talking about sex, they are talking about spiritual reasons to do what they know they should do (make love to their husband) and do it with a servant heart. Now I believe that serving one another in marriage is the real deal. It's very important. But if wives aren't having fun in the bedroom, then serving him can start to feel like martyrdom. And who wants to make love to a martyr? Who wants to be a martyr? I believe that if a woman knows how mindblowing sex can be, she will want to make love on a regular basis.

I want to hold every Christian wife by the hand and say, "Oh darling there are oceans of pleasure available to you! You have sexual needs. Cultivate them! Embrace them! Get in tune with your desires and let your man bless you. You will rock his world and yours too!"

I think he is the real deal.

And I'm fiftykindsofgrateful for that reminder. That gentle nudge back to my calling. And I'll tell you why.

My apartment needs a good tidying. I'm behind on laundry. I'm caught up on sleep, thanksbetoGod. My bills are paid, but I do need to balance the checkbook. My muscles are tight from skipping the gym for the last 3 months. My corporate writing gig, the one I am grateful for, has sucked the life out of me because it has dominated my time. This morning I was praying, "help me reconnect with my SensuousWife mission". And then I read Sheila Walsh's retweet of Randy's question. Why do we have sex? And answers sprang to mind effortlessly. Bing! I was right on track.

The answers I shared were:

• Because the sweaty unladylikeness of sex unlocks something in the feminine heart that needs to be loosed.
• Because when our brain is exhausted, our skin can still speak.
• Because sometimes words fail us.
• Because we are horny.
• To bind our spirit soul and body all together with our mate's spirit soul & body

I'm honored that Randy included my tweets in his blog post here.

So, darlings. Randy's poll is closed, but I'd really like to hear your response. What do you think? What do you feel about this?

Why do we have sex?

Today, I'm thinking about a beautiful evening I enjoyed before and after the trick-or-treaters rang my doorbell.

From November 1st, 2007, here is the post in its entirety:

I'm learning that saving time to be together is important and that you don't have to feel energetic and horny before you walk in the bedroom in order to have a beautiful pleasurable evening. Some of you have known this for years. For me, it's big news.

I knew Delighted Husband and I had saved this evening for each other. And on evenings we plan to be together, I usually save some mental and physical energy for him and deliberately think carnal thoughts all day in anticipation. But I didn't this last time. I had a good but busy day at work, had an emotionally uplifting lunch with my girlfriends, and had a challenging couple of hours helping the DC with their homework and coaching them through several tudes. By the end of the two hours, I felt wrung out like a sponge. I went to DH and said "I need skin to skin for a few minutes. I"m worn out." He was quick to oblige, as he had heard me calmly standing my ground with the children who were trying to turn "bitch moan and argue with mom" into an Olympic sport.

We locked ourselves in our room and quickly got naked for some cuddles. I sighed with comfort and pleasure as I nestled into his arms. "Remind me" I asked. And so he did. Delighted Husband gave me two or three sentences reminding me good things about myself. Words of affirmation and physical touch together are a powerful combination. I began to feel myself recharge, like a dead cell phone on a charger lighting up again. We cuddled and caressed each other and without trying, words spilled out of my mouth, complimenting him and loving on him. Reminding him what a wonderful man he was. Which took absolutely no effort to come up with affirming words considering how loving he had just shown himself to be.

This wasn't steamy talk by any means. Our skin-to-skin contact was for bonding and affirmation, not arousing. It was the "sharing your heart's life force" definition of Eros, not the "tingly thrilling do me" definition of Eros. Our fifteen minutes passed quickly and the doorbell ringing with the first trick or treaters told us our time was up.

I went to get dinner going and DH took over door duty with the trick or treaters.

Dinner was yummy and punctuated by doorbell ringing every few minutes. It was fun to chat with the neighbors, although difficult to eat between visitors, but what do we expect?

Finally got the DC tucked in after their sugar rush, and DH and I knew our "date" time had arrived. We were both tired and achy, but wanted to be together. Both of us said something to this effect while we were standing in the kitchen. We decided to go for it and see what God might do for us.

Walking in our bedroom and locking the door was an act of faith. We had zero tingly erotic urgency. Our muscles were tired and achy. But we felt emotionally connected and a desire to make the most of the opportunity. After all, we were in our bedroom at 9pm with kids already tucked in their own beds. Just watching TV or going to sleep would feel like we squandered an opportunity.

I suggested a massage and spread the liberator throe over the comforter to keep massage oil off the bed. After joking over whose turn it would be first, I laid down on my back with my knees supported by the liberator whirl. This is where the first of many miracles happened. It didn't take five minutes of smelling him and feeling him touch me that I was very aroused. As our arousal became more visible, we kept joking, "I'm too tired" "Oh me too. I'm way too tired." That position actually did become tiring for Delighted Husband so we switched so he could lie down with the whirl under his knees. I became the active pleasurer which I enjoyed very much. DH let me know how much pleasure he was receiving which of course made my heart feel that good feeling you get inside when you know somebody is enjoying the gift you gave them. It was also a huge turn-on. We warmed to the task. Delighted Husband became the active pleasurer again, while I rocked happily. He asked me to hand him a certain toy while he told me what he was about to do to me and how he knew I was going to respond. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Gazing into his eyes, I came in about 6 seconds, which surprized the heck out of both of us. How'd we do that? We're too tired!

After I caught my breath, we switched to our favorite finish position. Delighted Husband positioned me the way he wanted me, which is such a small simple thing, but I love that because it demonstrates our being relaxed and comfortable and his matter-of-fact intent to take me which is just such an emotional rush. I have no idea how long we made love because time stood still. Smiling into his eyes while watching my husband come is one of the sweetest spiritual and emotional experiences I've ever had. He is magnificent.

Once we came back down to earth, told each other it was time for a quick shower and then sleep, cause we really were tired. Shower was shared and quick with much grinning at each other. I happened to glance at the clock on my way back to bed from the shower. It was 9:30!

"Oh My God! Honey, look, soup to nuts this whole lovemaking was 30 minutes! Can you believe it?" To say we both thanked God would be putting it mildly. I thank God for the toy and pillows that helped us coax pleasure out of an evening when the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I suspect that the DHA and EPA supplements I took for the last few days may have had something to do with my quick response. (I'm on The Orgasmic Diet which is another article). Most of all, I believe miracles still happen. Even in the marriage bed. I blame this miracle on our generous loving God rewarding our small act of faith of locking the door even though we were too tired.

I hope you enjoyed this memory as much as I did! Happy Flashback Friday!