I blurted this out in frustration while I was at the bank trying to cash my Ike insurance check for the umpteenth time. Remember the mortgage company that ate my 1st check? Well, they're up to shenanigans and foot dragging again. This time at the local branch. But I'm not here to fuss about the bank.

The point is, I am learning to associate exercise as the preferred method of stress relief.

This is a big deal.

A very good thing.

After the 2nd hour spent arguing with mortgage company, I drove to the gym and I didn't just do the workout, I attacked the circuit training equipment. I sweated. I grunted. I groaned. I carried on. Some of the sweet old ladies at the gym discreetly stared. I didn't care. I was just glad I was working out in the gym and not throwing a tantrum in the bank lobby. By the time I was done with my workout, my hair was wet and dripping sweat onto my shoulders. And I felt peaceful and even euphoric. The only other time I've felt so peaceful, sweaty and euphoric was. Well, you know.

This is day 3 of no sugar.

The mood swings are not fun. It's withdrawal, just like any other addiction.
I made good choices today.

The next time somebody pisses you off, say, "God must want me to work out today!"

One of the most poisonous things about poison is not what it gives you but what it keeps you from. Several kinds of poison (I learned from a forensic educational whodunit on cable) several kinds of poison bind with the oxygen receptors in your cells. Meaning the parts of your cell that are supposed to receive oxygen are binding to something else, something not oxygen, something not what they need, something other than what they were designed by God to bind to. It's not so much what the poison gives you, it's what the poison keeps you from...the thing designed by God to bring you Life. The thing you were designed by God to so desperately need and so freely receive. Like oxygen. Like love. Like friends.

One of the most poisonous things about the childhood sexual abuse I endured was that I experienced trauma at an age when I was way too young for appropriate self-comfort. I was not differentiated enough to be capable of appropriate self-comfort. The adults who I wanted to comfort me didn't know how.

I shopped for comfort at the only store that was open to a young child: the refrigerator.

So those receptors in my soul that were designed to bind to friends to bind to loving people, those receptors in my soul were binded to food. It was easy really. And it's easy as an adult. I've never had a Hershey bar tell me they weren't available or that my need was invalid. People are problematic some times. Course they are. Good Lord! Look at me! But food becomes poison when it blocks the receptor for the love and human interaction I truly need.

God in his infinite mercy allowed circumstances and my own heart to push me to a place of need that forced me to reach out to my friends. To tell the truth about where I really was and to ask them to love me and pray for me anyway. I have tears in my eyes just remembering yesterday. It's still that fresh. It's still that powerful. The oxygen receptors in my soul are getting real honest-to-God oxygen instead of the poisonous fake. Oh My God!

I'm sending this out to all my friends who gave my soul oxygen yesterday. Who heard me in my dark vulnerable moment and treated me with great care:
The biggest blessing/lesson in all of this is that I have substituted food for friends for most of my life. And by vulnerably telling the truth about where I'm at to a few of my friends has been a profound experience. My telling and their responding is in itself a huge antidote because it makes food as a friend irrelevant. Thanks for being a part of that.

And is this experience of feeling so profoundly loved by my friends, there's a scripture I memorized 14 years ago that I just now truly understand.

2nd Corinthians 7:4 "Great is my confidence in you, great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort. I am overflowing with joy—in all my affliction."

I used to stammer that scripture to myself, sniffing and crying during a bout of loneliness and pain, crying out to God and telling Him that my confidence was in Him and telling Him I expected Him to fill me with comfort because I was being a brave girl and quoting scripture through my tears. It didn't work. Today I understand why.

Reading the context, I see that Paul was not crying out to God Almighty in a moment of solitary prayer. Paul was talking to his friends. His real flesh-and-blood friends.

2 Corinthians 7:1-4 "1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. 2 Make room for us in your hearts; we wronged no one, we corrupted no one, we took advantage of no one. 3 I do not speak to condemn you, for I have said before that you are in our hearts to die together and to live together. 4 Great is my confidence in you; great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort; I am overflowing with joy in all our affliction."

He calls his friends 'beloved' and asks them to 'make room for me in your hearts'. Oh. My. God.

I'm beginning to see that when you know someone well enough to call them 'beloved' and you have the oxygenating experience of someone making room for you in their heart, you will be filled with comfort, you will be overflowing with joy even though you are you smack dab in the middle of great affliction.

Today, I'm sucking in the oxygen and poison seems not only beatable but downright irrelevant. -SW

I've got it made
rest in the shade
and hold my love
while God above
stirs with a spoon
we share the moon
smile at the bees
more sugar, please
He really loves us after all
we're gonna need another straw
we're gonna need another strawwwww
—Chris Rice, Lemonade, Amusing Album

Eat O Lovers.
Drink and imbibe deeply!
Take it alllll in.
—God, Song of Solomon 5:1, paraphrased by Lorraine Pintus

How (great) big (enormous) is your goodness (everything that is nourishing delightful and right with the world) which you have stored up (by the truckload) for them that fear (respect, hold in awe and adore) you.
—David, Psalm 31:19, paraphrased by Sensuous Wife

God has so much good stuff for us that we have to make an effort to take it all in. Take it alllll in. Hmm...I'm noticing a theme here. How about you?-SW

Exfoliating. It's not a new concept. But I betcha haven't ever exfoliated with something that you could actually eat if you wanted to. It's so easy. Place a half dollar sized dollop of coconut oil in the palm of your hand,

Okay, if you're wondering how in the world you're supposed to dollop a liquid then you prolly haven't heard of coconut oil before. No worries. Coconut oil is discussed all over TMB which is also known as TMI in some circles but I happen to love the place. My favorite kind of coconut oil is Nature's Way EFA Gold Organic. I like it best because it comes in a nice-sized widemouthed plastic jar with an easy-to-grip cap. It's organic so the essential fatty acids are fresh and not rancid, preserving that lovvvvvely coconutty smell. Unlike some organic brands of coconut oil, this brand is consistenly slippery because they do a spendid job of filtering out any pesky bits of coconut that might make the oil feel gritty.

Okay, so you can spend hours investigating and pontificating on coconut oil over at TMB where they'll tell you all kindds of splendid ways to use it, but for now let's get back to our exfoliating recipe. For the sake of time, let's just say that coconut oil is a solid at most room temperatures and becomes a liquid when it melts in your hand.

So, place a half dollar sized dollop of coconut oil in the palm of your hand, and pour in the contents of one sugar packet (you don't really want to keep a jar of sugar and a measuring spoon in your bathroom do you?) Stir it with your index finger until the coconut oil is all melty and you have a nice thick, smooth and scratchy consistency. Now, before you get all gung-ho and apply it to your scratchy elbows or whatever else you want to exfoliate, step into the shower. Trust me on this. Once you're in the shower, massage this delightful smelling goo all over your elbow or your knee or whatever else you want to exfoliate. If you also happen to also need to shave your legs, I recommend you start your coconut sugar exfoliation with one of your legs from knee to ankle. You'll notice at first the sugar granules are verrrry scratchy. Stay calm but be gentle for heaven's sake. You're trying to remove the tiny outer layer of dead skin cells not gouge off a tattoo. After just a few seconds, you'll notice that while the sugar granules haven't lost their scratch, the coconut oil seems to be dissapearing and the skin you are exfoliating is starting to feel verrrrrry sofffft. The oil isn't disappearing, silly, it's soaking into your skin delivering it's lovely payload of essential fatty acids. Okay, you're nearly done. Reach back with one hand into the shower stream (didn't I tell you to turn on the shower before you started? Ooops. Sorry!)Actually, that's okay because if your skin isn't perfectly dry when you first apply the coconut oil sugar mixture it won't work at all. Okay, now where were we? Oh, yeah. Whether from the faucet or the shower, reach into the stream of water and cup a teeny bit of water in the palm of your hand, and apply it to the area you've been exfoliating. After 1 or 3 rubs, you'll feel the sugar granules start to dissolve and the scratchy feeling finally goes away. Great! You're nearly done. Rub for a few more seconds and allow the rest of the coconut oil and melted sugar to baby your skin. It will be very gooey at this point. Now, if you happen to be exfoliating your shin in anticpation of shaving, reach over and grab your razor. Use this thin layer of sugar coconut goo as your shaving cream and shave your legs. Be careful and gentle. Your razor will easily zoom all over your superexfoliated skin. It will prolly be the closest smoothest sweetest smelling shave you've ever had.

Okay, now rinse. Water only no soap. You want to wash away the sticky melted sugar (that stuff could attract ants!) but you want to leave the lurvely essential fatty acids from the coconut oil. Step out of the shower (for heaven sakes be careful and step onto a rug or bathmat!) Now blot gently with a towel. Preferably one of your really soffft towels. You'll notice that your legs feel extrordinarily soffffft and that hair didn't stand a chance, did it? Don't you feel silllky and lovvvvveely?

Wait! Before you reach for that bottle of lotion..the last step after shaving is usually to moisturize your skin with lotion, right? Well, you can skip that moisturizing step, cause you already did that. It's sorta like the life-is-short-so-eat-dessert-first dynamic. Life is short so moisturize first before and during shaving so you don't have to wait till afterward.

So this coconut sugar beauty treatment....It smells verrrrry good. It's fairly inexpensive. It works incredibly well. It's edible. What else could a girl want?

By the way, girls, don't pass up on a major flirting opportunity here. Sidle up to your husband who is doubtless sitting on the couch watching sports with the remote gripped firmly in hand because that is a husband's natural habitat. (But after all the sneaky corporate SOBs the poor dear man has to parry and fight all day long, doesn't he deserve a few minutes of peace?) So go sit on the sofa next to your husband and slowly sensously place one of your legs in his lap. Say to him, "darling, I've just tried a new kind of organic shaving lotion. What do you think?" And place his hand over your leg and then don't. say. a word. Just relax and watch his cursory swipe become a fondle. Good for you and your sweet coconut self! -SW